Something I Never Had
by Sarah Cabbage Patch
Summary: After everything was finally over, I stayed up for countless nights, hoping that maybe, just maybe, you might come back. I wish things had ended differently, because then you would be with me again. You would be back in my arms, hopefully feeling safe as


Teen Titans: Something I Never Had

Disclaimer: No own TT or words to "Something I never had" by Lindsay Lohan. Poopie. :(

Summary: After everything was finally over, I stayed up for countless nights, hoping that maybe, just maybe, you might come back. I wish things had ended differently, because then you would be with me again. You would be back in my arms, hopefully feeling safe as I never let go.

* * *

**Do you see me? **

**Do you feel me like I feel you?

* * *

**

I sit here on my bed, thinking about the time we spent together; a time when I was so sure I was happy and you were too. You were the world to me, I would have done anything and everything for you if you just asked. But you didn't trust me, you thought I betrayed you and you left. You ran to _him_. But what hurts more is that you felt the need to leave, to run away and lie to me. You lied about where you went, who you went to, maybe you were lying when you told me how you felt too. I know it might be too late, but did you feel the same about me that I felt about you?

* * *

**Call your number, I cannot get through **

**You don't hear me and I don't understand **

**When I reach out, I don't find your hand **

**Were they wasted words and did they mean a thing? **

**And all that precious time, but I still feel so in between

* * *

**

I tried to tell you when you came back that I would always be there for you, but you just weren't listening. He twisted my words and altered your perception and you felt like_ I_ had betrayed you. Even after all of my friends, your friends too, were wary about letting you in, I still tried to be there for you and you ignored me. Were you ignoring me all along? Did you ever listen to what I said?

* * *

**Someday, I'll just keep pretending **

**That you'll stay **

**Dreaming of a different ending **

**I wanna hold on, but it hurts so bad **

**And I can't keep something that I never had

* * *

**

After everything was finally over, I stayed up for countless nights, hoping that maybe, just maybe, you might come back. I wish things had ended differently, because then you would be with me again. You would be back in my arms, hopefully feeling safe as I never let go. I don't want to let you go, _ever_, but it just hurts to think that maybe you didn't feel for me. I always liked to think of you as mine, something I could have at any time to treasure and love and cherish. Did you even really want me to keep you?

* * *

**I keep telling myself, things can turn around with time **

**And if I wait it out, you could always change your mind **

**Like a fairytale, where it works out in the end **

**Can I close my eyes, have you lying here again? **

**Then I come back down **

**Then I fade back in**

**Then I realize, it's just what might have been

* * *

**

Sometimes I dream that you never left, that you were still here and we were still together. But after you came back, you lied to me about everything. Have you always been lying to me? People just don't change in that short of time. Were you only with me because you knew it made me happy? Because you wanted someone to take care of you for a change?

I know that I never physically told you how I felt, but I thought that you knew. I keep telling myself that if I had told you in the beginning, then you wouldn't have ever left and you would be right here next to me. You know that you hurt all of us right? Especially those two. Your 'best friend' doesn't really smile that much anymore, but that may even be for other reasons as well. She took it almost as hard as I did.

And your other 'friend?' She never admitted it, but I knew she was hurt by your lies. She let you in, we all let you in, even more than we did with her and I think she felt replaced by you. In the end, I think she felt betrayed because we hurt her _through you_. But even now, with you gone, she still feels pain. I can see it in her eyes when someone mentions your name. She thinks no one notices, but I do; I notice because I see that look everyday in the mirror. Did you think it could ever have worked out between us?

* * *

**Someday, I'll just keep pretending **

**That you'll stay **

**Dreaming of a different ending **

**I wanna hold on, but it hurts so bad **

**And I can't keep something that I never had **

**Am I a shadow on your wall? **

**Am I anything at all? **

**Anything to you ?**

**Am I a secret that you keep? **

**Do you dream me, while your sleeping **

**After all?

* * *

**

Did you ever think of me when you were with him? Did you think of all the good times we had together? Did you remember all the love that I had for you? Did you want to remember me? Did I mean anything to you as more than a pawn? Did you hide your affections for me? Is that all that it was, you hiding how you truly felt so that people wouldn't think you were soft, human, even? Were your feelings a secret to everyone around you? Were they a secret to _you _maybe? I dreamt of you all the time, did you ever dream of me? Did you want me to hold on? Did you want to hold onto me?

* * *

**Someday, I'll just keep pretending **

**That you'll stay **

**Dreaming of a different ending **

**I wanna hold on, but it hurts so bad **

**And I can't keep something that I never had **

**I wanna hold on, but it hurts so bad **

**And I can't keep something that I never had **

**You don't see me, you don't feel me **

**Like I feel you

* * *

**

I just keep pretending that anyday now you are going to walk right back into my life and I'm going to get the chance to be happy again. But if you could come back, would you even come to me? Or are you officially done with me? Are you done pretending that you felt things for me that never existed? I've tried to hide my feelings like you did, but I just can't deny what my heart felt. It hurt more to ignore the emotions than to think you took them and stomped on them right in my face.

I think, right before the very end, that maybe you finally told yourself the secret. That you finally realized what it was to feel, but it was just a bit too late. I tried to hold onto you in the end, but you let go. Did you even know I was trying to hold onto you? Did you ever see me, I mean _really _see me, see what I was about, what I felt? Did you feel me? Did you feel _for _me? Because _I _saw you Terra...... I saw what you were about, I saw what you felt. I felt _you _Terra. I never stopped that.... not for one moment.....not ever..... Did you ever even start?

* * *

A/N: Hmmm... I'm kinda proud of this one. I have no idea where these little one shots are coming from, but they were different and I felt the need to express. Besides, they kept me from drowning in homework! ;-) Anyhoo, let me know what you think. Did I even make sense? I mean, it made sense to me, but if you knew me, then you wouldn't be surprised. Anyway, moving on...... Just let me know what you think. And if you're really bored, go check out my latest chapters of Wild, Wild West and I Need Her plus my other new one shot Over. L8R Daze... 


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